Fire And Ice

Burning Trails On The Ice.

Friend Or Foe?

Make up your mind! , that seems to be the general consensus that seems to have an act to repeat itself. The thing is i just cant, to me the mind is a very powerful sentient being. It constantly fluctuates and changes just like the economy. Somtimes its good, and most of the time not so good. It can be a good friend as well as a bad enemy. It helps u solve riddles and puzzles in ur journey on life's road. But at certain points it fills ur head with things that ur heart truly yearns for. It always begins with an idea. The mind plants it there, nurturing it and helping it grow until it becomes a need. Someone once told me that "if it can be dreamt, it can be done". Like life, the mind also finds a way to kick you down and shoves a plateful of S^&t right up ur face. You fail to achieve ur dreams, dissappointed in urself u roam the earth like a zombie while ur failiure continues to consume ur very insides, u try forget about it but ur mind has a strong memory, it shows flashes of ur fall and builds up the stress within which in turn fuels ur mixed emotions of "sangry" (sad + angry) until at on point the strain just pushes you to the brink of ur sanity that only leaves u with one option. suicide. So does the positives really outweigh the negative? sure without the mind we will become zombies without our own free will. But dont we also follow the tiny voice inside our head? making decisions based on what it wants us to do regardless of it being productive or counter productive. Isnt being controlled by an entity shows that u also dont have any free will of ur own? is giving false hopes and dreams which only spark rejection positive? frankly its up to you. I have made my verdict.

Have You?

Seeing Through A Window.

To see the same thing but not being able to see the same thing. question, what does it really mean? I see death and disappointment. Am I wrong? some might say its just a blot of ink. So who is right, and who is wrong? isnt that how we always percieve things? if there should be conflict there must always be a right and wrong. well in this case, we're both right and wrong. What right do u have that allows u too say that im wrong and ur right and vice-versa. Do you see the world through the windows of thier soul? Its all about perception and matter of opinion. Some people might see the glass as half empty, but i would look at it as half full. Different people are entitled to thier opinion because niether is right nor wrong. If all of us see eye to eye than there is no life, because diversity is life. it gives us colour instead of a monotonous black and white. Although we might share lots of things in common be it physically or mentally, we are still as different as night and day. So goes the saying no two snowflakes are the same.

Reality

Remember when i told you that I was falling through the same rabbit hole that alice fell in. did u think it was real? of course it wasnt was it? how big is a rabbit hole? and how deep do u tink a rabbit hole really goes? have u ever tried falling in one? reality check, just because u cant see it doesnt mean it doesnt exist. You might think that im going crazy but actually i just woke up. Do we think things are real just because we accept that its real, or do we just simply think its real? I think the best way to know if something is real is to truly feel if its real. It felt like falling through a rabbit hole when I lead my life. So in some ways and possibly in a lot of ways. The rabbit hole is real, me and alice really did fall through a rabbit hole so to speak. I used to live in a dream world, where everything seemed to be in my control, that the future is predictable and if i planned it, it would become a reality. I lived like that for 17 whole years, until I was given a choice between the red pill or the blue one..just like the one in the matrix, can u guess which one i took?

I was shifted to a diff place entirely, in front of me lay the girl of my dreams. everythin was planned out. All i needed to do was zero in for the kill. I went to her and started talking her, she feels disgusted. that was not part of the plan. i went to plan B as a contingency should events like this ever occur. Plan B never made it through. She storms off in a huff, leaving me behind in the deepening shadows. And what seemed to be a confirmed and planned reality became only a dream. Thats when i realize that to make somethin real is not by careful planning and specualtions. its all about going through it. Feeling it as it is. Thats wat reality is all about and i believe is what life is about as well. Now the question that i ask to myself is, Are u awake?

Journey

Been busy lately. spending most of my time either occupied with books or friends. it wasnt so long ago that i found myself falling down a rabbit hole just like the one in Alice In Wonderland. I kept falling and falling, occasionally hitting the sides, damaging myself in the process. when at long last I reached the cold hard floor at the end of the rabbit hole. How long have i been falling? it felt so long. as I landed face first i thought to myself, what made me go inside the rabbit hole? alice followed a white rabbit wearing clothes. What am i following? i know i have made bad decisions in life regarding anything or everything. Some of em we're really bad and i wished i could just turn back time and undo my mistake because it will leave me scarred forever. I kept laying there on the floor cursing my own well being for not being tactful in life. I should have looked before i leap. at some points i felt as if my whole existence in life is pointless and useless. so many times i looked myself in the mirror and just close my eyes, when i opened them i hoped to see a different person standing there. Someone who is better, popular and loved in life.
My conscious tells me that i should not wish to be someone better but merely wish to be a better someone. bullshit i told it, many of the decisions that i have made in my past life which i fully regret was based on my conscious alone. i drowned it down by banging my fists on the floor.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. i hoped to starve myself to death and drop dead there. because i knew that no one would be looking for me. Im alone in this world. i never got hungry or thirsty. it was like i was doomed to spend an eternity confined within tis 4 walls. as i lay there staring aimlessly into the abyss pondering on the past, present and future, i hear a faint voice travelling from top to bottom of the rabbit hole. I perked my ears so that i could fully hear what the voice is saying. it sounded faint and weak but i caught every word. Fully understanding the meaning i filled myself up with whatever hope i could scrap up of from the broken pieces of my soul and made the decision to not give up on life and find a way out of the rabbit hole. hoisting myself up to my feet using the strength that is slowly building up inside of me. I kicked down the only door hoping that it would lead me to happiness as well as to my dreams. as i made my way through wat seemed to be a harsh, destroyed world i kept playing the words that fueled my hope. -Dont Stop Believing