First Post For A Fresh Start

With the midnight sky lighted up in a brilliant flash of all manner of colours, mankind closes a chapter of thier lives. and begins writing new ones in thier books. this shud be the first verse within the 2011 chapter "writing a blog". with ever great ending there comes an even greater story. 2010 was no different frm any other year, filled with misery/disappointment/sorrow/grief/distraught nevertheless there was also happiness/love/passion/fun/excitement. all forms of fellowships were made. we tie new knots and we severe loose ones. yes 2010 was never a dull moment everyday was like a surprise and a treat, thats why they call it "the present". now it is the past. and we must look towards the present time, 2011.
my resolutions?
1) to not sleep in class
2) to pay attention in class
3) etc2
This is the beginning of a beautiful year. though we do not knw wat lies ahead. but we mst constantly remain positive wtv the cost. because only by living do u truly find eternal happiness.
this is Ahmad Azrul with my First Post For A Fresh Start. Happy New Year fellow readers ;)

Love Passion Obsession.

What most people are unaware of is how lightly they throw these 3 words around. For instances i was called an obsessive person due to the fact that I cared for somebody.
yes they bring almost the same meaning but "almost" is not 100% correct its a common mistake that we humans make due to our reckless nature.

Love is an emotion that brings us to a certain degree of care-ness. it makes us happy and joyful even through the darkest of moments. The very thought of the thing u love allows u to understand that u have a purpose in life and you should treasure it always. ie : I LOVE my life.

Passion is a force or push the body feels when it nids something. It is the root of Love which teaches us that even through thick or thin the passion within has to be sated one way or another. For example : My passion is through Girls Generation and Razer

Last but not least. Obsession. this is one of the most complex drive felt by the human body. the mind constantly thinks about It. The soul yearns for It. The Heart beats for It. It is forever there stored in these 3 places constantly haunting us with its irresistable pull. It cannot be ignored. Dianna Agron :)

so there u have it. a world of difference for the 3 things that share a common trait

The End.

2010 emerges frm its brilliant cacoon. its 12 months of wait is almost over. like a candle burning till the end of its wick. with each passing second the year seems to fade into the abyss joining its earlier predecessors. It is time, like all good things on this earth it must end and succumb to make room for newer/better things. 2011 promises good tidings all round for me. one can only hope that such pre-determined fates are going to be proven true rather than simply false hope. This Is It. This Is The End.

Fire And Ice

Burning Trails On The Ice.

Friend Or Foe?

Make up your mind! , that seems to be the general consensus that seems to have an act to repeat itself. The thing is i just cant, to me the mind is a very powerful sentient being. It constantly fluctuates and changes just like the economy. Somtimes its good, and most of the time not so good. It can be a good friend as well as a bad enemy. It helps u solve riddles and puzzles in ur journey on life's road. But at certain points it fills ur head with things that ur heart truly yearns for. It always begins with an idea. The mind plants it there, nurturing it and helping it grow until it becomes a need. Someone once told me that "if it can be dreamt, it can be done". Like life, the mind also finds a way to kick you down and shoves a plateful of S^&t right up ur face. You fail to achieve ur dreams, dissappointed in urself u roam the earth like a zombie while ur failiure continues to consume ur very insides, u try forget about it but ur mind has a strong memory, it shows flashes of ur fall and builds up the stress within which in turn fuels ur mixed emotions of "sangry" (sad + angry) until at on point the strain just pushes you to the brink of ur sanity that only leaves u with one option. suicide. So does the positives really outweigh the negative? sure without the mind we will become zombies without our own free will. But dont we also follow the tiny voice inside our head? making decisions based on what it wants us to do regardless of it being productive or counter productive. Isnt being controlled by an entity shows that u also dont have any free will of ur own? is giving false hopes and dreams which only spark rejection positive? frankly its up to you. I have made my verdict.

Have You?

Seeing Through A Window.

To see the same thing but not being able to see the same thing. question, what does it really mean? I see death and disappointment. Am I wrong? some might say its just a blot of ink. So who is right, and who is wrong? isnt that how we always percieve things? if there should be conflict there must always be a right and wrong. well in this case, we're both right and wrong. What right do u have that allows u too say that im wrong and ur right and vice-versa. Do you see the world through the windows of thier soul? Its all about perception and matter of opinion. Some people might see the glass as half empty, but i would look at it as half full. Different people are entitled to thier opinion because niether is right nor wrong. If all of us see eye to eye than there is no life, because diversity is life. it gives us colour instead of a monotonous black and white. Although we might share lots of things in common be it physically or mentally, we are still as different as night and day. So goes the saying no two snowflakes are the same.

Reality

Remember when i told you that I was falling through the same rabbit hole that alice fell in. did u think it was real? of course it wasnt was it? how big is a rabbit hole? and how deep do u tink a rabbit hole really goes? have u ever tried falling in one? reality check, just because u cant see it doesnt mean it doesnt exist. You might think that im going crazy but actually i just woke up. Do we think things are real just because we accept that its real, or do we just simply think its real? I think the best way to know if something is real is to truly feel if its real. It felt like falling through a rabbit hole when I lead my life. So in some ways and possibly in a lot of ways. The rabbit hole is real, me and alice really did fall through a rabbit hole so to speak. I used to live in a dream world, where everything seemed to be in my control, that the future is predictable and if i planned it, it would become a reality. I lived like that for 17 whole years, until I was given a choice between the red pill or the blue one..just like the one in the matrix, can u guess which one i took?

I was shifted to a diff place entirely, in front of me lay the girl of my dreams. everythin was planned out. All i needed to do was zero in for the kill. I went to her and started talking her, she feels disgusted. that was not part of the plan. i went to plan B as a contingency should events like this ever occur. Plan B never made it through. She storms off in a huff, leaving me behind in the deepening shadows. And what seemed to be a confirmed and planned reality became only a dream. Thats when i realize that to make somethin real is not by careful planning and specualtions. its all about going through it. Feeling it as it is. Thats wat reality is all about and i believe is what life is about as well. Now the question that i ask to myself is, Are u awake?

Journey

Been busy lately. spending most of my time either occupied with books or friends. it wasnt so long ago that i found myself falling down a rabbit hole just like the one in Alice In Wonderland. I kept falling and falling, occasionally hitting the sides, damaging myself in the process. when at long last I reached the cold hard floor at the end of the rabbit hole. How long have i been falling? it felt so long. as I landed face first i thought to myself, what made me go inside the rabbit hole? alice followed a white rabbit wearing clothes. What am i following? i know i have made bad decisions in life regarding anything or everything. Some of em we're really bad and i wished i could just turn back time and undo my mistake because it will leave me scarred forever. I kept laying there on the floor cursing my own well being for not being tactful in life. I should have looked before i leap. at some points i felt as if my whole existence in life is pointless and useless. so many times i looked myself in the mirror and just close my eyes, when i opened them i hoped to see a different person standing there. Someone who is better, popular and loved in life.
My conscious tells me that i should not wish to be someone better but merely wish to be a better someone. bullshit i told it, many of the decisions that i have made in my past life which i fully regret was based on my conscious alone. i drowned it down by banging my fists on the floor.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. i hoped to starve myself to death and drop dead there. because i knew that no one would be looking for me. Im alone in this world. i never got hungry or thirsty. it was like i was doomed to spend an eternity confined within tis 4 walls. as i lay there staring aimlessly into the abyss pondering on the past, present and future, i hear a faint voice travelling from top to bottom of the rabbit hole. I perked my ears so that i could fully hear what the voice is saying. it sounded faint and weak but i caught every word. Fully understanding the meaning i filled myself up with whatever hope i could scrap up of from the broken pieces of my soul and made the decision to not give up on life and find a way out of the rabbit hole. hoisting myself up to my feet using the strength that is slowly building up inside of me. I kicked down the only door hoping that it would lead me to happiness as well as to my dreams. as i made my way through wat seemed to be a harsh, destroyed world i kept playing the words that fueled my hope. -Dont Stop Believing

Waking Up From A Dream

My breath was still...the cool misty air of the night rattles my very soul, i surveyed my surroundings...i see nothing around me...every piece of land was empty for miles and miles..glancing to the heavens i saw stars that twinkled back at me as if taunting me, mocking me, laughing at me...how did i end up like this? where is the sun that used to shine during my darkest hours? where was that voice that soothed me to sleep at night when i had nightmares? where was the face that i so deeply recognized and cherish? ...its as if though life was trying to tell me somethin...but what was it?? i vaguely remembered talking to her, sitting down with her and basically enjoying my life wit her...but what really happened? the birds stopped singing, the sun stopped shining and the sky turned grey...bathing in my despair, i walked alone with only my shadow to accompany me...moving along i heard a noise so shrill, so damn right unbearable to hear...i went up to it and asked "my dear fellow why are u making such a noise?" ....the anomaly cackled and answered, " i am the voice that serenades u at night, that makes all of ur worries disappear" ...i stammered in disbelief, how could this be her voice? she had a beautiful one. Setting aside the madman's claim, i continued my journey to look for her...i turned a corner and found myself in a calm and peaceful area, the birds were singing happily, I found myself at inner peace...Suddenly everythin changed the area was dark, gloomy and grey. the birds that we're singing morphed into crows, they stared down at me with bloodshot eyes and began talking in unison.."wat u saw jst now was the love she feels for you, this is how she truly feels about you...NOTHING!"...i couldnt let this down, she told me that she cared for me. said that she would be there for me when no one else would..."ur wrong" i told them...they laughed at me...cupping my ears i walked on, telling myself that it was a lie, all of it was untrue...exhausted i sat down on the tile-less land, the earth felt hard and rough..the sand was a jet-black colour..everythin here seemed ugly/unhappy/fake...supressing a sigh, i continued on..hoping that i will not hear anymore lies....i hoisted myself up and stared ahead...beyond there stood a figure, hoping for companionship i raced towards the unknown...as i got close enough, a smile crossed my face, happiness began filling my insides...there she stood looking as beautiful as ever...i rushed to her and embraced her in my arms, her hair felt smooth and soft like silk...her smell, epic..."u wouldnt believe what i went through today jst to see u smile" I joked...silence...something felt wrong...her hair was no longer smooth it was rough and coarse as if someone tied small bits of rocks 2gether, gently pushing her away I saw her true-self...in her place stood the most hideous creature one could have ever imagined...worms were crawling in and out of her face..her teeth was jagged and razor sharp...and her eyes was no longer crystal blue...they were more sunken, hollow eyes as if she dint have soul..."who are you?" i asked..." I am her true form, everytime she is with you, she puts on a mask"...."u were blinded by her beauty so u overlooked what truly mattered the most....her heart." "this world that u are in right now is symbolizes her soul"...staring at the creature in disbelief, i finally see the truth.."true beauty does not lie outside but rather it lies on the inside."....all this while i've been with her, all the time i spent on her...useless...

CAT goes meow!

Those who dwell in the past are doomed to repeat it...so says a man, setting aside my downfall at the year 2009 I rose up from the ashes of sorrow and discontent and moved on to bigger and brighter things...they say Spm is the one that determines ur future...i call it hypocritical bullshit to the max...sure at first glance u feel sad and unhappy, u look to ur left you see your friends jumping in joy smiling broadly as they got straight A's well good for them...and on your right u see something similar...though it hurts at first and it felt like things were going dark look for that source of happiness and just hold on...thats exactly what i did...after much decision making and time consuming thought...I finally decided, i wanted to be a Number Cruncher/Accountant...most of em would say "hey ur science student why go accountancy?" simply because its my choice and not urs....in the end Sunway College is the place for me...as i hoisted my bag on my shoulder I entered the gates of Sunway...at first i was like a "rusa masuk kampung" / newbie...scanning my surroundings searching for old mates that may have made the same decision i did but to no avail...as I walked in the class, I was greeted by a very2 old man, he had a beard that showed how experienced and wise he is...from what i can remember this is what happened :

Old Man : hey, does it bother u that im the only old person in this class?

me : err no yaw i tink education is suitable to all ages (filtered/fixed/remixed)

Old Man : oh, is the lecturer good?

me : well shud be yaw its sunway isnt it? *promotes*

Old Man : O Really? ok2 how old do u tink he is?

me : shud be very old

Old Man : Ahhhh

later i found out that he is the lecturer for my class ==" ...and the class is very2 fun..everybody was really friendly some of em were even to "friendly" like michael chow ying ying the homo O_O ...sorry michael just joking yaw

A Day Of Distraught

How did it come to this....all those smiling faces, those lips that curved upwards now turned upside down in a dissapointed frown....puzzled by such an act, I held up the piece of paper in my hand...the light oozing out of the cracks from the door shined at certain places of the paper creating a glaring effect that blinded me from laying eyes on the contents...shifting to the right I blocked the direct lighting using my backside as a light shield...my eyes came into focus adjusting from the change in brightness ratio of the surroundings. The piece of paper stared back at me menacingly, its contents as if laughing at me, making fun of me, insulting me...I rubbed my eyes to see if this was some kind of trick much to my dismay it wasnt....

The piece of paper made a sadistic smile, I felt numb....my heart rate began dropping, my body felt lifeless...everythin in me seemed to be made of Jelly...I tried denying the contents of the paper...hopelessly I looked and looked and looked at it again and again hoping for it to change....but sadly it never did...it just remained at a constant always smiling, always insulting me as if I was the unluckiest man to ever walk this earth...some part of me felt that its true...I am the most unluckiest man in the world...heaving out a sigh, i grabbed a stool and stood on it right below the celieng fan overhead....I checked the rope suspended above me to make sure it was strong enough to support my weight....As i tightened the rope around my neck i thought about the good times and the good feelings i used to have before I recieved the piece of paper..with a tremendous leap the colourful world around me turned into a peaceful white

Picking Up Where We Left Off

The gaps...they're quite big arent they? the time difference between each post, epic....its been awhile but i still havent lost my touch. Trust me when i say the Eagle And The Apple aint dying out anytime soon....updates wont be as frequent as last time but there will still be new posts so yeah having somethin is better than having nothing at all right?

Sweet Dreams of 2010.

Call me an anime Nerd/Nerd/Anime Junkie or whatever ppl call other ppl who love anime but oh-em-gee how could you not love a girl who looks like this? hahahahahaha i guess its true wat they say..."anime cannot merely be seen or heard, it must be felt from the heart"

Updates.

Lately i've been busy...but now I have found time...A big post is coming up, so jst wait and prolly before february i'll have it back up and running again...sorry for the inconvenience i have caused everyone, i know my blog is somewhat intresting :P